Suki Dakara Suki When You Grow Up
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [In Progress - Ch. 8 done] This takes place during and after the last chapter of Suki Dakara Suki. It is the in depth story of Hina and her journey to find herself and what does love really mean... [And I wanted to see an ending...]
1. Slipping away...

Disclaimer: Suki Dakara Suki is Clamp's. I just love  
the teacher and Hinata. ^_^v  
  
  
  
"I guess it's only fair," my voice had echoed in the  
bedroom as I looked around.  
  
I laughed as I pushed the hair from the wornout face  
and placed the bangs behind his ears. I guess I would  
never grow tired of this.   
  
"Never," I had whispered as I kissed his forehead  
while running my fingers through his hair.  
  
At that moment, he smiled while dreaming. It was a  
rare moment to see this type of thing.  
  
I know I won't grow tired of his smile.   
  
  
Ever.  
  
  
  
When you grow up  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 1 - Slipping away...  
  
  
I couldn't help but just go about my house like a limp  
person. In my room, I looked at the mirror and almost  
cried at the thoughts that were going through my head.  
I couldn't help doing it, though.  
I don't know why and when I had known that I would be  
this hurt by what he had done. Or rather, he did it  
because it WAS a job.  
  
I was a 'shigoto', he had called it.  
  
That's what it all equated to, ne?  
  
"Shut the thought, Hinata. Shut it away. Lock it in  
a box and let it go away..." I sang to myself. "Let  
it go and then you can throw away the key..."  
  
I turned around towards the bed after brushing some of  
my tears away. My two family members, these two bears  
that had been with me ever since my mother had died,  
stared back at me as they tilted their heads.  
Kneeling to the ground, I poked them on their noses  
and asked, "Do you think Asou-sensei would only do all  
these things because my father told him to?"  
I leaned next to Waka's mouth. "Hai to itte?"  
I sighed while nodding listlessly. "Yeah, me too."  
  
I tried to get out of my mood by plastering a smile on  
my face. "Yes, I think I would hurt him too if I care  
about him. Everyone always worries over me and in the  
end, they get hurt because of me."  
  
I guess it's better this way, ne?  
Ne?  
  
Placing my two beloveds in front of the genkan to wave  
goodbye to me, I slipped my shoes on my feet.   
Smiling, I waved and said, "Don't worry! I'll be  
fine! Bye~!"  
  
  
***  
  
But things were not fine. Before I knew the afternoon  
had worn on, I couldn't stand it anymore.   
  
Home was only minutes away but it felt like an  
eternity. Everything was so bright and the sky was  
playing tricks on me.  
  
I wanted to scream. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to  
cry.   
My heart was aching. I was ready to burst. I wanted  
to tell him so much...!  
  
With my eyes closed in pain, I took up all my courage  
and my feet led the way.  
  
And when I ran next door...  
"Nai," I had whispered without missing the shaking of  
my voice.  
  
No one...  
Everything's gone.  
  
There is no one here. It was as if no one had ever  
been there.  
No one at all...  
  
I was afraid to move.  
Afraid to go and see if it was really true. Maybe I'm  
a coward that way...  
  
I lost my voice.  
  
But I knew I was silently sobbing. My ears were shot,  
but the sound of my cries were sinking in as I tasted  
the salt of my tears coming down my face.  
  
"No..."  
I shook my head.  
  
Not another person...  
Why do I have to lose him too?  
  
The chocolate.   
The walk home.  
The dinner.  
The breakfast.  
The warmth of his back.  
The warmth of his hands.  
The red ribbon on our wrists.  
  
The smile...  
  
  
It was all gone.  
  
  
I clenched my fists. In one moment, all these  
memories rushed to my eyes. And they were slipping  
down my cheeks.  
  
  
He was gone.  
  
  
I can't believe you left me without a word.  
  
What hurt the most was that I had been right...  
I was just a job to you.  
  
That's all I had been...  
  
Then, a song came rushing to my mind. I sang without  
anything coming from my mouth. I mumbled along  
with the song in my head,   
  
"Don't be surprised. If...I...Love...You..."  
  
  
The wind was blowing a bit at that moment and I felt  
its cold hands go through me...  
  
  
--  
Author's note: I'm crazy. I'm doing this, X, TB, and  
Gravitation chapters all at the same time... 


	2. Without a word.

Disclaimer: Suki Dakara Suki is a creation of Clamp  
(though now on hiatus).  
  
When You Grow Up  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 2 - Without a word.  
  
  
The wind's cold hands could not, however, over power  
Touko-chan's warm grip on my shoulders as I turned  
around with a face that explained almost everything.   
Everything except if He was there.  
But the empty room spoke silently what I wouldn't  
admit.  
  
I wanted to give up right then. I wanted to give up  
anything you had said, did, or meant to me because  
this was the explanation. You left me without any and  
that would just tip off something to anyone.  
As naive as I was, yes, even I understood this  
unspoken rule that rested inside of the recesses of my  
mind unable to be comprehended my heart at that  
moment.  
I think that's when I learned what denial was at full  
force. You become so blind that you lose feeling to  
the rest of your body.  
  
"Don't give up," it had come out in a soft whisper  
from a distance.  
I was so fazed that I couldn't even hear Touko-chan  
even though she was shouting in my face these words of  
encouragement.   
Again, she said, "DON'T GIVE UP!!!"  
  
That's right! I finally understood.  
  
No matter where this may lead to, I promised myself  
this time that I would be different. I would not care  
if he hurt me or not...and I shouldn't care if I hurt  
him either.  
That's what had me leave my home: I didn't want  
them to care so they wouldn't worry about me anymore.  
  
But I was wrong...  
  
I ran through the town to find Tomo-kun writing his  
story as usual on his laptop. Even now, I sigh and  
laugh at the same time while smirking at the thought  
of that laptop. That thing that made so many  
problems...and worked out some also.  
I didn't realize how important it was then. If I did,  
I may have thought twice about what I was  
doing...thinking...feeling...  
  
(Then again, everything was new to me when it came to  
Asou-I mean Shirou. * laughs * I think I'll always  
get mixed up with that. I'll think later about when  
_did_ I start calling him that?)  
  
He slyly gave me the location of where he had gone and  
I was thankful for this.  
  
When I got there, Touko-chan was so out of breath that  
she said she'd just catch up with me. But that just  
made me run even quicker as my heart beat faster and  
faster. The wind ran through the sides of my face and  
I was reaching out for someone that maybe was already  
gone.  
The sweat fell down my face like the seconds that  
passed making me worry more and more if I had been  
late.  
  
Was I too late?  
Why the hell was I here in the first-  
  
That's when I couldn't think straight anymore. Well,  
even more so, I would say.   
  
I saw that familiar face.  
  
He may have gotten upset at my outburst, but I cannot  
describe unto this day my relief when I shouted,  
"Asou-sensei!"  
  
(Nor can I deny the repeat performance way later when  
I shouted, "Shiiiiroooouuuu!!!!")  
  
My whole heart was dependant on that shout as if I  
could just grab him with my voice. I wanted to just  
hug him and cry while holding onto his shirt saying,  
"You're here. You're really here. This isn't a  
dream."  
  
It has all been a bad dream, ne? Hasn't it?  
  
Would you even look at me right now?  
Are you going to ignore me, Asou-sensei?  
  
With these thoughts in mind, I slowed down and stood  
in front of him out of breath. I don't know how a few  
minutes passed when it felt like an eternity as I  
folded my hands with a smile to say, "Dakara suki  
desu."  
  
Yes, it is truly because I love you. I found myself  
doing even stranger things and feeling things that  
maybe I shouldn't have, but I didn't care. What was  
important was right in front of me in glasses and a  
white polo shirt.  
I didn't care if he didn't feel the same, but I had  
wanted to know if I was special in his heart. Even if  
it wasn't in the same way I felt.  
  
It was then that he looked at Ki-chan, I mean Kitzu-san  
at the time, in a bit of frustration and embarrassment  
as he cleared his throat and leaned closer to me. He  
was so close that I could feel the mm away his lips  
were from my ear and the feel of his breath made my  
ear tickle so my nose crinkled. "What I meant was  
that I...love you too."  
  
As he stood back up, I knew this could only be me as I  
remember putting my hands together in fists and loudly  
waking up the whole establishment by saying, "HOUNTO  
NI?! HOUNTO NI?!"  
  
Well, this was big news for me and as I think back, he  
was blushing so much that he looked the other way and  
said in response, "Yeah, and everyone else can hear  
too."  
  
Kitzu-san smirked from the corner of my eye.  
  
"Wait. Here." Asou-sensei had given me a piece of  
paper as he announced that they may have been late.   
"What's this?" I asked. "A phone number? Yours?"  
"Well, do you want another guy's number?" He closed  
his eyes in more frustration, but now I understood  
that it was all at my naiveness.   
  
(He now says to me that if it weren't for that  
cuteness, he wouldn't have let his guard down.  
I say that it just came naturally and if he didn't  
recognize it, then he would have been blind.  
Our daughter thinks that it's amusing so she gurgles  
at this 'argument' of ours.)  
  
It was then that I said, "Can I call you?"  
He smiles and nods at me, "Yes."  
  
I hugged that paper as I left with Touko-chan that  
night.   
  
As I said goodbye to her, I closed the door and stare  
at my two precious bears in front of me. I could feel  
my mother smiling at me at that moment as I looked at  
them.  
"Are you happy?" she would have said.  
  
Because of illness, I had lost my mother. But I knew  
it was more than that. It was more than anyone could  
understand...  
I wish I could think my mother was happy despite  
everything. I know some part of me believes she is...  
  
I walked up the stairs and changed into my pajamas.   
As I was going to turn off the light, I noticed a note  
on Waka with the front saying in black ink, "Hina."  
Opening the envelope carefully, I put it to one side  
and started to read the note aloud,  
  
"Dear Hina,  
  
You probably thought I left you without saying  
anything. Well, that's what I had planned to do, but  
I guess that didn't happen if you're reading this  
right now, aren't you?  
I don't know how to say this or explain it, but you  
reminded me of something a long time ago. And that  
person hasn't left my memory since.  
She was also a 'shigoto' as you would put it. But  
then, she liked me. She liked me very much...but I  
lost her because I didn't perform my job so well.  
And then I'm confused whenever you tell me, "Dakara  
suki." I don't think I can handle something like  
that. I thought that when you first told me.  
So, to make a long story short, I know I'm not a man  
for words or say very much, you are not a 'shigoto'.   
It would be like saying that I like leaving you a note  
right now to say I love you very much instead of  
saying it in person so that I could be honest with  
myself."  
  
(I love how now that I think how he always liked to  
slip things like that without a hint of doing so...)  
  
"Well, you'll probably never be seeing me again, but I  
didn't want to miss the chance this time. Not like  
last time.   
Take care of yourself, Hina. Best wishes,  
Asou-sensei."  
  
Then, I saw the crossout through the blur of my tears.  
"No, Shirou," I read. "Always, Shirou."  
  
I looked at that note in my lap and a tear almost fell  
on it if I didn't pull the note away just as quickly.   
I saw the tangible form of my stupidity.  
  
How much I had doubted him....and how much he doubted  
himself also.  
  
It was then that I hugged the note though it was  
creased a bit as I sobbed while rocking back and forth  
in my bed unable to say anything.  
  
To be continued...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Hope it's going well so far! 


	3. Good luck charms.

Disclaimer: Suki Dakara Suki is by Clamp.  
  
When you grow up  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
  
Chapter 3 - Good luck charms.  
  
Ring, ring.  
  
"Hello?" I answered as I picked up the phone from the receiver while yawning. "Excuse me."  
"It's me," the familiar voice said.  
"Oh HI, Asou-sensei!"  
"Did I wake you up?"  
"No." I blew my nose as I shook my head knowing full well he couldn't see me at that moment doing so.  
He then asked in hesitation, "Have you been crying? What's wrong?"  
"You and your note..." I laughed as I began to push back the happy tears on my face. "That's what's wrong."  
"Oh..." he trailed off.  
  
Silence.  
It was so obvious how nervous we were at that moment.  
  
"Ano..." he had started to say and I could almost feel the embarrassment in his tone of voice.  
"Yes, Asou-sensei?"  
"Hina, you can call me Shirou." He said to me. "I'm not your teacher anymore."  
"But it feels weird," I blurted out.  
He sighed. "Fine, fine."  
I smiled into the telephone. With my eyes closed, I sincerely said, "Thanks for the note and thanks for calling."  
"No problem..." he trailed off again unable to handle the trueness of my tone. "I was just calling to see how you were."  
"I'm fine," I replied.  
"Good." Then, he sighed into the phone.   
  
Silence.  
  
"If there's anything you need, just call, okay?"   
I answered readily, "Okay."  
"Don't hesitate," he firmly said in his monotonous voice.  
"I won't," I answered while nodding to the phone.  
"Well, okay, I guess I'll see you later."  
"I love you, Asou-sensei." I said to the receiver. Without making a noise, I kissed the telephone as I blushed at what I had just done.  
  
"Goodbye," I finally said.  
  
There was a brief pause. I kind of understood now if he didn't tell me anything. And that was fine with me.  
The note in my hand explained everything as I embraced it with much distress as to how not to crumple it.  
  
"Take care, Hina. Bye."  
  
Click.  
  
I looked at the phone with a bit disappointment. But, I tried my best not to frown. There was still the note in my hand and that was enough to put a bright smile on my face.  
I laid the precious piece of paper over my stand and drew the curtains to my room while singing, "Someone gave me a note today...No, now it is yesterday. He told me he liked me ba~ack!"  
  
Still in a daze, I floated on cloud nine for a long while. There wasn't anything that could keep down. Nothing at all!  
After taking a shower, I put on my uniform and ate breakfast with Tono and Waka. "He gave me a letter," I sang to them as I poked their noses. "I love notes. Especially those from Asou-sensei."  
I was still blushing at the thought.  
  
Putting on my shoes, I tried to say his name. "Shirou."  
It only made me giggle and light-hearted inside.  
  
It was a feeling I missed so much.  
I hadn't felt this good since...  
  
Since...  
  
"Ever since Mother gave you two to me..." I suddenly realized while pondering aloud. That's when I knelt and hugged my two precious bears.   
  
My two family members...  
Their eyes looked at me and I looked back at them for a moment.  
  
As I walked to school, I couldn't help but sigh inside. Whenever I thought of my Mother, I had wondered how she thought of me right now?  
Would she be proud of me or would she laugh with that half smile she always gave me?  
  
When I think of mom, I always see her in a bed knitting something or other. Those memories never erase from my mind because it was as if they were burned.   
Like the time I touched an iron on the wrong side when I was three and cried my heart out. My mother scolded me for touching it in the first place, but then she taught me how to hold it properly later on.  
  
And it always ended in an "I love you" from my mother. She smiled despite everything. I think that's where I learned to smile so much.  
  
"Make people happy with that little gesture..." she had said to me.  
  
I didn't know it would mean so much later on in my life.  
  
"Don't take things forgranted," she had said to me as she patted my head while resuming her stitching of my bears. "But tears are useless if you don't know how to smile, Hina-chan."  
  
Then, she stopped again to cup her hands on my face to say, "That's why you have to treasure all the little things you've gotten. One day, they will be your lucky charms."  
  
As I entered the school gates, I took one last glance at the note and hugged it to my chest. "My lucky charm...Asou-sensei's letter is my charm which gives me lots of luck."  
  
  
To be continued.  
--  
Author's note: Okay, I'm out of practice right now, but I'll try my best! ^_^ I have my whole plot outlined...I just wish I knew where I put it! Aiya... 


	4. Are you all right? I’m worried because...

Disclaimer: Suki dakara suki is by Clamp.  
  
When you grow up.  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 4 – [Are you all right?] [I'm worried because I care.]  
  
I remember that day when I entered those school gates, as I was about to put the precious letter into my bag, a gust of wind took it away.  
  
I turned around and ran after it as people began to rush in to not be late. So, I ran against the crowd with my hand out with no one to help me.  
Holding onto my backpack, I ran up to the end of that block and it landed on the sidewalk. I was almost in tears by the time I got there. It was a pretty busy street and so I was horrified if it would travel onto the moving cars.  
  
As I skidded to the ground, I hugged that letter in my hands. I sighed and began to cry on it. Closing my eyes tightly, I said, "I can't lose you too, Asou-sensei."  
  
"Are you all right?" a man asked me as he was passing by.  
  
I smiled and wiped my tears while nodding. "Yes, thank you."  
  
I got up and made sure the letter was proper put into my folder before I ran into the school. I even forgot about wiping my knees.  
  
As I ran back while holding my backpack, I thought of my mother.  
  
Mixed in these happy memories with smiles was something dark.  
My mother was only sickly after I was born. But not only because she had given birth to me...  
  
It was something much deeper.   
I had the scar on my back to prove it...  
  
There were many things I wanted to tell you Asou-sensei, but I couldn't. I didn't think it was the right time.  
That's why I cherished his warm hands so much when I first touched him. I had never met someone with such warm hands before. It made my heart feel so light.  
  
These hands make me feel good.  
  
Running past the gates, I made it to my classroom just in time. But I didn't pay attention to anything at all that day. All I could think about was my mother.  
  
My father and she never fought in front of me, but I knew there was something wrong. As my father protested to something, my mother just smiled at him and patted his head with an assurance that really wasn't comfort.  
She was dying and she knew it.  
  
My father didn't want to face it.  
  
I just wish I knew what it all was then. Maybe it could have changed my life by knowing.   
But that secret was a part of me.  
  
It ran-  
  
"Hina-chan?" Touko-chan asked as she patted my shoulder. "Class is over. Are you all right?"  
  
I smiled as I took my things and waved goodbye to her. "Sorry, but I've got to go!"  
  
But where was I really going? I didn't know.  
I didn't know how to lie, so I tried to find something to do downtown.  
  
Store after store, I looked around for cookbooks. That was what I loved to do best, right? "I will cook something for Asou-sensei when he gets back," I said as I put my hand on a dessert book made by Piffle Princess.  
  
"They think of everything!" I half-shouted in excitement as the people around me looked at me strangely. (Hey, I really like that brand. ^^;;;)  
  
I sweatdropped as I went to the front to pay for it.   
  
"I hope he will like it," I whispered to myself.  
  
  
That's right, I wasn't alone anymore.  
Asou-sensei loves me.  
  
I blushed as I laughed to myself while hugging the dessert book in my arms. I remembered his voice saying, "I love you too."  
  
It was the greatest feeling.  
It still is…  
  
  
So, that's what picked up my mood. As I waved the bag in my hand, I was singing, "I will learn to cook more things. Because cooking makes people happy~! And I love to see people smi~ile…"  
  
As I opened the door to my house, I saw my two beloved bears in front of me. "Tadaimasu!"  
  
I took them into my arms and kissed them. Then, I took them into the kitchen to have dinner.  
  
While I was cooking, the phone rang. It stopped and then started up again.   
I turned my head to watch it as I stopped chopping the vegetables in front of me.  
  
"I know Asou-sensei told me not to…" I sighed.  
  
After a long silence…Ring, ring!  
  
"Ow!" I blinked as I put my index finger to my mouth, but I stared at the phone not wanting to answer it.  
  
"But it's bothering me," I reasoned to myself. I then put my hand into a fist. "I've got to be strong."  
  
So, I touched the receiver and held it to my ear. "Mushi mushi?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Nai?" I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head as I began cooking again. "I'm worrying for nothing.  
  
  
--  
  
After I wrapped myself in my blanket, I closed my eyes. At that moment, the phone rang as I was about to turn off the light. The phone next to me kept on ringing and I refused to answer it.  
  
Ring, ring, ring, ring…  
  
It went on forever and I even put my pillow over my head. "Make it stop…" I mumbled in pain.  
  
Finally, I answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
"Hina?" Then, I heard a sigh of relief on the other end.  
"Asou-sensei?" I looked at the clock as I sat up. "Is something wrong?"  
He ignored my question as he asked, "Why didn't you answer the phone?"  
"Someone was calling earlier. Around the time I was making dinner."  
"That was probably me," he answered.  
"But when I answered it, the person didn't say anything."  
  
He became silent.  
  
"Why are you calling Sensei? Is something wrong?"  
"Hina…" he started to say.   
"Yes?"  
"I will be back in a few days."  
"You're finished so early?"  
"No."  
"Then why are you coming back so early if you're not finished?"  
"…"  
"I don't understand what's going on."  
  
We were silent again.  
  
"I can't stand it," his monotonous voice replied.  
"Are they treating you badly?" I began to become worried and held onto the phone nervously.  
"No, it isn't that." He then sighed. "I can't go to sleep."  
"Drink warm milk then. That's what I-"  
He sighed again, but it had a twinge of annoyance. "No, you're not understanding this at all, are you, Hina?"  
"Nope."  
  
Silence again.  
  
"I need to know you're okay."  
  
It was my turn to be quiet as I looked to the ground.  
  
"By being here, it isn't making it easy."  
  
I blinked my eyes as I softly smiled and said, "Don't worry about me, Sensei."  
  
"I need to get back there," he insisted.  
  
"I'm being strong for you, Sensei," I said as my hands shook while I tried to be calm while remembering my mother. "You must also be strong for me."  
  
"Hina…"  
  
I then laughed. "And when you get back here, I'll bake you a strawberry cake."  
  
It was then that I heard him laugh on the other line. "You always surprise me, Hina."  
  
My heart became very light and warm as I put my hand over it while smiling more.  
  
"But when you get back here, what will you do?"  
  
He didn't answer me.  
  
I then sighed.  
  
"I will tell you when I get back there," he assured me. "I can't exactly say it over the phone."  
  
"Okay."   
  
"I'll be back in a few days."  
  
"But I thought-"  
  
"I'll try to finish this as fast as possible. Or else I won't be able to sleep well."  
  
I laughed. "Okay. I'll be here waiting for you to come home."  
  
"Yes…home."  
  
Silent yet again.  
  
  
"I better get going, Sensei. I have to go to school tomorrow."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Bye…" I then whispered confidently while blushing, "I love you, Sensei."  
  
As I was lowering the receiver, I then heard a soft "I love you too."  
  
I opened my eyes as I put the receiver back to my ear in disbelief.  
  
Click.  
  
I looked at the phone and grinned so widely. When I dropped to my bed, I forgot to put back the phone and then the dial tone registered into my mind as I hurriedly put it back.  
  
I blushed as I closed my eyes tightly.  
  
How I ever got back to sleep after that, I will never know…  
  
--  
Author's note: Aww…  
Just telling you now, there's going to be lots of plot for this story, so hold on for the ride. It's going to be a long, long fic.  
But please enjoy it! Arigatou gozaimasu! 


	5. Okaerinasai

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own SDS. It's by Clamp!  
  
When you grow up  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 5 – Okaerinasai. (Welcome home.)  
  
For the next few days, I continued to go to school as always, but there was still that lingering feeling that nagged me a little. I guess it was also Sensei's voice haunting me a bit, but I tried to ignore it all the same.  
If I thought positively, then things would turn out well, right?  
  
That's what I always thought.  
  
I cooked a number of desserts before he came home. But with that, the phone kept on ringing and ringing. Half of me was scared while the other part was saying, "What's so bad about a phone ringing?"  
  
All the same, I didn't answer it at all. Instead, I got an answering machine.   
That didn't help very much though. There would be numerous dial tones left as messages whenever I came home.  
Only when Sensei called or one of my friends did I even think of answering the phone.  
  
After about five days, someone knocked on my door.   
  
"Sensei!" I shouted happily and hugged him.   
"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to call me that?" he joked.  
  
Half of it was in relief, and half of it was in fear.  
  
I remember that I started to cry.   
  
He just patted my shoulders as he pushed me inside my own home. Then, I let go as he closed the door behind him. I smiled as I wiped my tears and took his hand. "You're just in time. Have dinner with me, Asou-sensei."  
  
Sensei looked to the ground with a slight smile as he followed me into the dining room. "Ah."  
  
With his warm hands, I immediately felt safe. I almost didn't want to let him go.  
  
"I'll bring everything to the table, so, just sit down."  
  
He sat down as I fixed up the kitchen. "So, how was your trip?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Did the shigoto go well?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
I nodded my head. I had almost forgotten that Sensei didn't like giving details about anything. He was such a pro at what he did…  
Oh, my… * sighs * It took a large amount of patience to get through to him. And it wasn't even that easy on my part either.  
I just didn't get anything back then.  
  
"Why didn't you call me to say you were coming back?" I asked as I sat down to eat with him.  
  
"I thought I should surprise you," he answered as he looked away from me in slight embarrassment.  
  
I laughed. "You're so funny, Sensei."  
  
As we ate, I told him about school and what happened for the past few days. When I got up to get the special dessert that I had made for the day, he asked, "Have those phone calls stopped Hina?"  
  
I stopped for a moment as I was cutting the cake. I shook my head. "No…they haven't," I answered softly. Then I turned around. "But there's nothing to be worried about, ne?"  
  
Sensei sighed as he got up. "I need to smoke."  
  
"Eat the desert I made for you first."  
  
"I will. When I get back."  
  
I sighed as I watched him go out through the back. I stood at the threshold of the door and looked at him as he began to look around as he lit his cigarette in the darkness. I walked over to him and took the cigarette.  
  
"I don't want you to die early too…" I looked away from him as I ran back into the house. I put out the cigarette in the sink and threw it away.  
  
Then, I just stood there leaning over the sink not knowing what to think.  
  
He still stood outside. As I tried to smile, I took a slice to him out in the backyard. "Please try it."  
  
Sensei nodded his head and ate it. "Umai," he commented.  
  
"Hounto ni? Hounto?" I asked. "I didn't know if you would like this. It was the first recipe I tried, but I tried so many others…"  
  
  
When we went back in, I washed the dishes as I asked, "So, where are you staying?"  
  
"In a hotel not too far away from here."  
  
I almost wanted him as my neighbor again…  
It was very disappointing to hear.   
  
"Then, you'd better get going," I said as I turned around while wiping my hands with a rag. "Don't walk back too late."  
  
He nodded his head. "Ah."  
  
As I followed him to the front, I smiled while folding my hands over one another. I almost had this feeling deep inside to tell him, "Don't go."  
  
But, there I stood in front of him. "Thank you for co-"  
  
Grab.  
  
At that moment, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. It was then that I knew how worried he was, but could never express it in words.  
I sighed as I pressed my head on his chest like the little kid I was. I couldn't tell him I missed him because that wasn't enough.  
  
I was…a bit scared...  
  
"Sensei…" I mumbled softly as he let go.  
  
As he turned around to leave, I grabbed his sleeve with my fingers. He turned his head to face me as I blinked at him. "Chotto matte kudasai." (Please wait a moment.)  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I ran back to keep him there a bit longer. I wrapped up all the snacks that I had made just for him and gave it to him. "This is all for you. Please tell me how they taste."  
  
I then tilted my head with a smile. He nodded his head as he opened the door to leave.  
  
"Sensei…" I blurted.  
  
With the door halfway open, he asked, "Yes, Hina?"  
  
"Na..nandemo nai." I waved my hand nervously. "Take care of yourself!"  
  
I then ran up to him and pulled his collar to kiss him on the cheek. "For good luck."  
  
Sensei cleared his throat as I waved to him goodbye and closed the door securely behind him.  
  
I laughed to myself as I looked up to the ceiling.   
  
"Yokatta…" I mumbled happily. "He came back safely…"  
  
  
to be continued…  
--  
Author's note: Gosh, I had three fics going on in my head today, but I did two of them. I'm happy that I'm doing suki dakara suki, but I hope I can pull off what I have in mind.  
I'm just having trouble trying not to make them too ooc. Hinata's so innocent and Asou (what an adorable man) the stoic are hard to capture without stepping over certain boundaries. So, I hope that they're not too ooc. ^^;;;;;;;;; 


	6. Here with me

Disclaimer: Suki Dakara Suki's by Clamp.  
  
When you grow up  
By miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 6 – Here with me.  
  
  
"You're really out there today, Hina-chan," Emi-chan commented as I sat on the grass while unwrapping my lunch with a wide grin on my face.  
  
Touko-chan cleared her throat while trying not to laugh at me. It was then that Emi-chan looked at both of us and lifted up an eyebrow. "What's going on?"  
  
I continued to hum softly to myself the silly little songs I always made up. But this time, I was just saying the words in my head. "He has come back…come back for m~e. Maybe we'll have some tea…"  
  
"One word: Asou-sensei." Touko-chan whispered as she seriously looked at Emi-chan in the eyes.  
  
"I thought you didn't like him."  
  
Touko-chan shrugged her shoulders. "He's…not that bad."  
  
I blinked my eyes and smiled at her. Then, I shook my head. "No, he isn't."  
I looked at the clear blue sky above me almost wanting to kiss it with all my happiness.  
  
Maybe my naïve ways were simplistic then. Maybe I still am that way.   
But for me, being close to him was all that mattered to me. I could feel his warmth even when I just thought of him.  
It made my insecurities disappear for the moment.  
  
I forgot the loneliness that I had learned to deny with my smiles…  
  
Emi-chan then poked me on the forehead. "Aiya."  
  
I really was gone. And when we walked downtown after school, I pointed at a café's window. "Tomo-kun!"  
  
Waving goodbye to them, I ran to Tomo-kun's booth as he sat there content with his ever-present laptop in front of him.   
"Tomo-kun!" I shouted loudly.  
  
He looked up and laughed at me. "Good afternoon, Hina-chan."  
  
I shook my head from side to side as I took his hands and held them. "Thank you."  
I didn't know if I wanted to cry or laugh, so I just stood there smiling like a fool.  
  
Tomo-kun just smirked at me as he shook his head with his eyes half-closed. "You need to thank yourself, not me."  
  
I smiled even more as I shook my head with grateful tears in my eyes. "If you didn't tell me, I wouldn't have found him. And…and…"  
  
Like a little kid, I began to sob as I wiped my falling tears with the back of my sleeve while still holding onto him. "I would have regretted it."  
  
Tilting his head, he smiled while patting my hand and gestured me to sit across the table from him. "No, he would have. He's so stubborn…"  
  
Then, I put my hands in fists as I nervously looked at him. "I…I saw an advertisement for your new book on my way home yesterday."  
He laughed at me. "I was just finishing the one after it."  
Silence.  
"What is it about, Tomo-kun?" I looked at the window to watch the people passing by.  
  
Doki. Doki.  
  
"It's quite complicated, to put it bluntly." He laughed as he looked at me. "It's like children's literature and adult material rolled into one. I like its strangeness though. That's why I made it."  
"Do you mind telling me about it?" I then looked at him and blinked my eyes.   
Tomo-kun smiled as he nodded slowly. "I like you Hina-chan, so don't be afraid of asking me things like this."  
"Do I look that nervous?"  
He nodded his head.  
I laughed. "Well, the poster looked interesting, but it was kind of…weird."  
  
I then thought of the flyer with two girls on it. They were holding onto one another's hands, but one was looking up while the other was looking down. The one looking up had mechanical angel wings while the other had mechanical bat wings.  
  
"It's an illustrated novel," he started. "I was trying to capture the characteristics of my main character which were twins. Neither is too good nor too bad. The girl with the bat wings is named Poppyflower or Hinegeshi has a lover. This lover has never met her before, but he knows she's alive and continues to look for her. It's full of twists and turns and one of those twists is that the twins are really…"  
  
"Yes?" I opened my eyes widely as I eagerly listened to him in suspense.  
  
"That's what you have to read for."  
I bent my head down and laughed. "Okay."  
  
I then looked at the clock and saw that it was getting late, so I started to get up. "I have to go home now, but I'll see you later."  
"Remember Hina-chan," he said. "It's called 'Here with me'."  
I nodded my head as he turned his laptop to face me.  
  
"And this is the sketch of the girl."  
  
I tilted my head as I saw a woman that looked like myself, but also like my mother.  
  
"It's very pretty," I commented and tried not to get too emotional thinking about my mother again.  
  
Mesmerized for the moment, I touched the screen as if I were drawn to it in a special way.  
"Hina-chan?" Tomo-kun blinked at me.   
"I'm so sorry!" I apologized while bowing in front of him. "I'll see you later!"  
  
"Tell him hi for me," he said as I nodded my head.  
  
As I left, I turned my head to face the café's window. There was Tomo-kun looking at me with a not-so-calm face. And I wondered what had made him look so sad…  
  
  
To be continued…  
--  
Author's note: Oh my, I'm getting into that 'story within a story' thing. But then again, it's consistent with Suki Dakara Suki. 


	7. Shinji

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own SDS. Clamp does.  
  
When you grow up  
By miyamoto yui  
  
  
Chapter 7 – Shinji. (Believe.)  
  
  
When I turned around, instead of walking home, I went towards the direction of Asou-sensei's hotel. I just wanted to surprise him as he had done with me.  
I wonder if I should buy something to-  
  
"You have to go see him," a voice said.   
  
I looked around the busy street to find no one talking to me. I pointed my head down in contemplation. "Maybe I just overheard that."  
  
"You have to…" the voice again talked.  
  
I turned my head again, but kept on walking without changing my pace.  
  
I couldn't tell if the voice was a man's or a woman's. But deep inside of me, I knew it was meant for me.  
  
Looking from building to building, I tried to find his hotel. When I did, I easily found his room and knocked on the door.  
  
When he opened the door, he was taken back a bit. "Hina," he said in slight shock.  
"Hello Asou-sensei!" I answered happily.  
He motioned for me to come in and I just sat on his bed. Looking around, he asked, "Would you like some orange juice?"  
I nodded my head. "Yes please. I'm a little thirsty."  
As he took it out of the mini fridge and poured it into two cups, he asked, "So, what have you been doing?"  
"I was just talking to your friend Tomo-kun."  
"He is not my friend, Hina," he said to me.  
"Why do you keep saying that?"  
"Just because."   
  
And yet again, we found ourselves in silence as he handed me my cup.  
  
My eyes looked down at the carpeted floor as I held onto my school uniform a bit. I then tried to say, "He has a new book out."  
"Oh?"  
"He gave me a preview of it."  
"…"  
"The picture he showed me was beautiful…" I described to him what I had seen. "…but it bothers me."  
"Why?" He sat on the bed next to me.  
"That picture looks like my mother and me combined."  
"Are you sure?"  
I nodded my head as I took a sip and put the cup between my hands. I sighed as I leaned my head on Sensei's arm. "Yes, I am very sure."  
"Maybe it's just a coincidence." He patted my shoulder.  
  
I closed my eyes as I answered almost knowingly, "No, I'm sure of it."  
  
"Hina?"  
"Huh?" I got up and looked around with a confused face. "What's wrong, Sensei?"  
He held my shoulders as he blinked his eyes with a concerned expression on his face. "Hina?"  
I shook my head. "My head hurts a little. I think I'm really tired, so I better go home."  
"You're not going home like that."  
"I'll be fine."  
He got me aspirin as he laid me on his bed. Sitting on the chair facing the window, he said, "You are not leaving until you feel better."  
"But I have school tomorrow."  
Then, he propped me up. "I'll just take you home. I have something to talk to you about…"  
  
When we walked, my stomach churned more and more. I didn't know it at the time, but that was the start of a lot of things. Many things went into motion that day.  
  
Tomo-kun's sad smile…  
My headaches…  
Shirou's constant concern over me…  
  
I held onto his arm as he tried his best not to blush. But, I smiled all the same though I felt so terrible.  
He, being a person of few words, was always straight and to the point. I loved and disliked this trait equally.  
At the moment when we were crossing a street, he said, "I have another shigoto."  
"But you just got back!" I protested as I breathed heavily.  
  
And this wasn't helping my nauseous state…  
  
"I've been assigned to go undercover for…" he whispered to me on our way to my house.  
  
I just nodded and held his arm tighter with a heavy heart.  
  
When he took me home, I pulled him inside and waved weakly at my Tono and Waka.   
  
Just to delay him from leaving me…  
It was a weak attempt, I know.  
It was very childish, but…  
  
"Here." I came back to the entrance with a red charm. Putting it into his hands, I closed my eyes as I said, "So that you'll always return safely to me, Asou-sensei."  
  
Sensei just nodded his head as he turned around. I wrapped my arms around him as my heartbeat loudly in my chest. "Take care of yourself."  
  
I have never said, "Please don't leave me" to him.  
I had to be strong for him as he would be for me.  
  
He then turned around and kissed my forehead as he put the charm into his wallet. Bowing slightly, he said, "Ittekimasu."  
  
I smiled as I nodded my head when the door closed behind him.  
  
A tear fell down my cheek as I prayed for him to come back safely. But I was moved by the fact that he had said, "Ittekimasu."  
I didn't realize it then why it had made me cry. But later, I realized it…  
  
That day, one hard thing I learned about loving someone was: No matter what, you have to trust the one you care for.  
  
  
Even years later, I never know if he'll come back to me as healthy as he left me.   
  
But all I can do is believe in him.  
As he had done with me…  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
--  
Author's note: Ooh…the story begins to unfold gradually. Now, I have to figure out the time line. 


	8. In the rain

Disclaimer: Suki dakara Suki isn't mine. It's Clamp's.  
  
When you grow up  
By Miyamoto Yui  
  
Chapter 8 – In the rain  
  
There was once a black-haired girl who had such long hair, the tips almost brushed the white tiles of her room like a broom. She was kept inside her room for so long that she didn't know what light felt like and so her skin was very fair, yet almost sickly, but not quite. Yet, she was given the privilege to see the sunlight from the windowsill that she sat by day after day.  
What was the young girl waiting for as she waited for days on end like a doll whose forehead lightly touched the glass before her? A letter. From who? She didn't really know, but she had been promised a letter would come to her. How soon? The girl didn't know. It was already years, but she didn't know how much time passed either.  
A little boy came into the space of a room, for it had only a bed and a lamp over a set of drawers with a window. The window that served as her own mirror, for she was not allowed to even look at mirrors.   
The boy carried a tray in his hands and smiled as he approached his young mistress. "Good morning, I have brought your breakfast, Kolova-sama."  
What a strange name for a beautiful Japanese girl of sixteen, isn't it? This also was unknown to her.  
The girl nodded her head as she turned her head to the fourteen-year-old boy who held out the breakfast tray for her. "You must eat now."  
She had only known what times of the day were because of the window outside and whenever the boy came into her room to tell her it was time to eat.   
Kolova didn't go to school, but she was exceptionally bright. Even though he wasn't supposed to, the boy, whose name was Yoshi, read aloud to Kolova at least every other day. He felt that it was cruel of her uncle to keep her in her room, though he didn't know the reason for it.   
But one day, when Yoshi had come in, Kolova wasn't at the windowsill waiting for the letter she had been told to receive. Instead, she was on her bed shivering.   
Putting down the tray quietly down on the ground, he patted Kolova softly on the shoulder. "What happened, Kolova-sama?"  
He put the covers over her, but then, she clung onto him as if she were a bird whose wing had just been stabbed. All he could do was hold her gently and tell her softly, "Shh, shh. It's all right."  
But Yoshi was at a loss. No matter how long he had worked there, he couldn't understand why his mistress had suddenly acted this way.  
"Too much. Used too much," she whispered to Yoshi.  
"Used too much what?" he asked.  
Her hands fluttered as she touched her head. But it was all lost and at last, she gave up trying to give a signal that maybe he could have understood.  
Yoshi wouldn't leave until he had seen her eat her breakfast and fall asleep. As he took the tray outside, Kolova's uncle came by saying, "I got worried about you."  
"Kolova's not feeling well," Yoshi stated.  
"Oh, she's never feeling well," the uncle answered.  
Yoshi wondered about this as he went to school, even though he was late. But due to Kolova's uncle's influence on the school because of his many monetary donations, Yoshi was never questioned as to why he had been late. Besides, he never abused his privileges and was always responsible.  
Yoshi, after being clung by Kolova, had begun to dream of things he never thought of before. He began to dream of her in the rain while-  
  
Ring, ring!  
"And just when it was getting good too!" I laughed as I turned my book over and picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
"Hello," said the familiar voice of sensei.  
"Ah, Sensei!" I looked at the clock. "Isn't it a bit late?"  
"And shouldn't you be going to bed?"  
I laughed sheepishly. "I just wanted to get through the first chapter of Tomo-kun's new book. I bought it from the bookstore today."  
"Hina, have you called the telephone service as I asked you?"  
"Yes, but they won't let me change it. It's still under my father's name for some reason."  
Asou-sensei sighed into the phone. "I'll try to take care of it when I come home."  
"When you come home…" I repeated softly after him.  
  
Wherever that may be for you…  
  
"Yes, when I come home," he firmly said and I didn't know why he had to be so sensitive about it.  
"But Asou-sensei? Where is home for you?" I blurted and then I cupped my hand over my mouth for saying such a thing.   
There was a silence on the phone.  
I looked down to the rugged floor of my room as if he had been there to see my guilt.  
"I'm sorry-"  
"Nowhere in particular," he finally answered while interrupting me.  
"Oh…" I sighed trying to relate to him that we were on the same boat. "It's okay, I don't have a home either. I mean, I have a house for myself, but…but…"  
  
At that moment, I found myself crying with the tears slipping innocently from my eyes. I patted them in shock.   
I thought I had already forgotten every-  
  
"Hina? Are you still there?"  
"Mm."  
"Hina…" he began to say, "are you okay?"  
I shook my head…and lied. "I'm fine. I'm just really tired."  
  
Tomo-kun's smile came back to me.  
Asou-sensei's constant worrying though he was quiet about it…  
  
"Are you really sure, Hina?" his tone slightly changed.  
I knew he was really worried now.  
"Yes, really."  
"Okay then, just telling you that I will be home in two days."   
"I'll be waiting for you then?"  
With a little pause, he said, "Yes, please."  
  
But I could feel it. This time, he was the one who didn't want to let go of the phone.  
  
"Well, I better get ready for bed then," I said.  
"Hina…" Asou-sensei trailed off.  
  
Doki doki doki.  
  
"Yes, Asou-sensei?" I sat up on my bed and turned to put on my slippers.  
  
"Never mind," he finally said. "I'll just talk to you later. Bye, Hina."  
"Bye, Sensei."  
  
I looked at the phone before I put it down. What was that all about?  
I shrugged my shoulders and went to the bathroom.  
  
***  
  
As soon as he came home, Asou-sensei was straight and to the point. Yeah, so well, he just outlined everything for me and wouldn't leave until I had changed my phone number with the telephone company. But he had called my father and my father let me know what I needed to know in the process.  
It was nice to hear his voice…with some sort of relief in it too…   
  
And that's how life went. I went to school and Asou-sensei kept on having assignments here and there. Though he tried as much as possible to stay near me, he just couldn't sometimes, saying that that was just how his job worked.  
All I could do was understand and I did, though it was harder sometimes more than others. The more I said goodbye, the more I became assured that he would come back. His eyes silently told me, or that slight smile he would give when I said that I had made him a cake for the occasion.  
He never was too far from me, but far enough.  
  
I never really knew where he was calling from, but he did call since I couldn't call him back. It was the only thing I could ask him to promise me that he was okay.  
He kept on 'suggesting' for me to get a cel phone. His way of 'suggesting' was to just give the phone to me with service and everything covered.  
"You shouldn't buy that for me," I told him as we walked through a park.  
He sighed. "It's the only thing that will make me relieved though."  
"I don't mind the phone and I understand, but isn't this kind of extreme?" I blinked at him. "Why would anyone want to hurt me?"  
He held my shoulders. "I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out."  
I sighed as I shook my head. "I will not accept that right now."  
  
"Hina, you must listen."  
  
I looked at Asou-sensei and then around me.  
Who…who said that?  
  
"Hina…you're getting pale."  
  
"I-I am?" I waved my hand with a smile. "No, I'm not!"  
  
Then, I ran away from Sensei. "I'll see you later! I have to meet Tomo-kun now!"  
  
Sensei just stood there with his hand in the air. I laughed as I saw him look at his hand while shaking his head.  
  
As I walked into the café, I found Tomo-kun's favorite booth, with his laptop. Kitzu-san smiled and left as he saw me approach them.  
"Hi!"  
Tomo-kun smiled back at me as he closed the laptop. "Hello, Hina-chan."  
"I read your book the other day! It's so good!" Mesmerized, I looked at him adoringly. "How do you come up with this stuff?!"  
"A little bird told me," he playfully replied  
"The voice of inspiration is a bird's chirp?" I gave him a confused look.  
He laughed. "It's a manner of expression. That's okay."  
I smiled. "But it's so sad though. Your stories always start off sad that way. Like the bear book. The old bear didn't have friends."  
"But the little bear made friends with him," he said as he looked directly at me. "Because you made friends with Shirou."  
I nodded while blushing a little. "I was just with him."  
"Why didn't you bring him with you? I would have loved to see him!"  
"I was kind of in a rush."  
  
I swallowed. Hard.  
Whatever I had imagined was making me kind of apprehensive at that particular moment.  
  
Tomo-kun just nodded.   
At that moment, the waitress came and took our orders. Then she left and I looked back at Tomo-kun. "Doesn't Asou-sensei have any friends?"  
Tomo-kun shook his head. He pointed at himself, Kitzu (who was outside of the café), and at me. "Except for us, there's no one else."  
"And he won't tell me anything," I sighed.  
"It will take time. Don't worry." Then, Tomo-kun glanced at me carefully. "But it will definitely take lots of time."  
I gulped and tilted my head. "What are you talking about?"  
He shook his head. "I shouldn't tell you about it just yet."  
"Tell me," I softly asked.  
  
Anything to know you better, Sensei…  
  
"On one case…" then he stopped and stared again. "There was a girl. She was just like you, Hina. Very full of life, pretty, and very kind."  
I blushed. "Th-thank you…"  
  
But I never thought of myself that way. I was always small and made fun of for being so short…  
  
"But what did Sensei do?"  
"Shiro had to take care of her."  
"Just like any other job?" I asked him.  
He nodded and ended with. "They were really good friends, but he…"  
  
Tomo-kun searched for the words as I looked for him.  
Such a great storyteller!  
  
"His assignment ended earlier than he thought. She left with no trace as to why."  
I nodded and sighed. "Oh my…"  
Tomo-kun gave me a thoughtful look. "Just be careful, Hina."  
I questioned, "Why?"  
"Because sometimes you shouldn't know what's left unsaid."  
  
I looked at him for a moment wondering why he had said that to me…  
  
Then, there was a soft pound at the window. I had not even noticed that it had begun to rain hard.  
I bowed my head at Tomo-kun. "I guess that's my cue to go?"  
  
He nodded his head at the window and at me.  
"But wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?"  
Tomo-kun shook his head with a smile. "No…I found out it wasn't the right time to."  
I nodded my head. "Okay then. Bye, Tomo-kun!"  
"Bye, Hina-chan!"  
  
Quickly, I ran out with Asou-sensei at the doorway nodding his head at Kitzu-san.  
  
"I thought you went back to your room?" I asked as I looked up at him.  
"I…" he cleared his throat as he held out his umbrella. "I remembered that you didn't have one."  
  
I laughed while looking at him. "Thank you."  
  
While he looked straight at ahead, I glanced up to his profile before me with a soft smile on my face.  
  
You're such a funny person, Sensei…  
But you are always so kind.  
I can't imagine why couldn't anyone else see through your coldness…  
  
  
And so, we walked to my house together in the pouring rain…  
  
I sang inside of my head.  
"Even though rain is like tears from the sky,  
Today, today…  
In the rain, in the rain,   
Sensei was so kind."   
  
---  
Author's note: So adorable… 


End file.
